Went out last night to Cheers/Back Bar for acoustic night. Pete and Bimbo were out, and when we got to The Cabot (after midnight), Bimbo asked me if Shell and I were an item. They were quite pleased... which is good.

Although she isnt well again. Her glands are up and she has impetigo on her chin. She went to the Dr. this morning and he has put her on anti-biotics and cream to sort it out. She keeps being ill and due to the anti-biotics, she has to stop drinking :)

Going out on the works Xmas do tonight. We are starting at 5pm and eating at 6.30. We then have to peg it to the Bierkeller to see Electrci 6! in concert. When thats over, back to meet up with the Xmas party for more drinking and clubbing. Then home at some point... Shell will be coming round early on Saturday morning and we are spending the weekend together - shopping, etc, etc, although she has work on Sunday afternoon/evening.

Nothing funny today - yet.

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[link]   Posted @ 15:02

Had the kids round last night for the last time until the weekend before Xmas. I havent got them this weekend, they are holiday the following week (as am I) and I pick them up the Friday I get back.

Then went round to Ian and Shelle's to get the CenterParcs sheets filled in for next week and to arrange going down on Monday. Shell got dropped off around 10 and we watched the end of the Comedy Awards. Jonathan Ross finally won one, thank god!

Bimbo rang me this morning to let me know that she doesnt want her mum seeing the kids at all anymore, as she popped in yesterday evening while picking Tim up. Even threatened me about going to court if I didnt comply. Which is unfair, as now I have to do as she asks purely to save my relationship with the kids. Arse :(

On the upside, things with Shell are ace. Meeting up with her later (after she has been to her sisters Xmas play) at Cheers/Back Bar. Gonna miss her next week...

Todays humour section is this:

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humour... but different.

Thanks to Carolyn for them :)

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[link]   Posted @ 16:41

Click here for some pictures of what happens when a can of paint punctures in your car. You gotta feel for this guy!

Had a bizarre evening with Shell last night. She brought round the new Johnny Vegas DVD Who's Ready For Ice Cream?. Weird. We dont know whether we laughed at the weirdness or whether it was funny. The extras are worth watching, as they are hilarious and almost made up for it all :)

Then the first episode of Buffy. Just because. OK?

We then got up at 1am and went to Tesco to buy Chicago Town Microwave Pizza. Utter madness, but they were ace :)

Got the kids this evening for a couple of hours, then round to Ian and Shelles for a bit. Robs computer has died, so I am collecting that and will drop it off to my workmate Andy over the weekend, so he can check what has died. Then meeting Shell...

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[link]   Posted @ 14:47

Kev sent a chain letter today. It is reproduced below. Enjoy!

At last!! A decent chain letter as opposed to normal chain letters/pyramid schemes, this one costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates who are just as virile as you.

INSTRUCTIONS
Anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list.

Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, will be at least:

0.5 Miss Worlds.
2.5 Models.
463 Wild nymphos.
3,234 Good-looking nymphos.
20,198 Who enjoy multiple orgasms.
40,198 Bi-sexual women.

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that comeback to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER.
One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter).

While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL. This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life.

No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can screw her. No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement.

Do not hesitate........send this letter today to 9 of your best friends.

PS. - Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner.

PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.


Life is like that
No - not an excerpt from the Readers Digest, but some twaddle about strange things in life.

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a big fire in your back garden and at what point does it become illegal?
10) Nobody has ever dared to make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip

These and more will be discussed in the next episode - "Tudor Loses The Plot (even more)"...

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[link]   Posted @ 16:02

Check out this website for possibly the funniest Xmas cards in the world. People at work have been giving me funny looks for laughing so much :)

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[link]   Posted @ 14:01

Met up with Shell last night in Cheers (after some bizarre conversations with Dave and Phil). Several drinks later, we moved on to Sands, where we bopped until 1am. We then made our way home without stopping at Deniz's for something to eat. Thats a first :)

She makes me laugh so much. And we talk about really weird things, it's great. I feel really relaxed around her too - which I think is down to not expecting anything from her. Still have no idea what she sees in me...

I've lost more weight. Due to not eating I think. I just don't feel hungry, but yesterday I ate a scotch egg and some dolly mixtures. Not a great diet admittedly but I just dont fancy eating. Bit concerning really.

I also saw my first wife (Karen) again last night. Hadn't seen her for years, then see her working at McDonalds a few weeks back and saw her in Sands last night. She was drunk and looked horrendous. She goggled at me and Shell, which was nice :) She was also with another guy that wasnt Dale (that I could tell), so who knows. I'm sooooo much better off its untrue :)

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[link]   Posted @ 11:37

Had a great weekend with the kids, but I have spotted a trend in the way I am with them that I dont like. I was talking this over last night with Shell (who I'm seeing atm). It seems I am a lot harder/have a shorter fuse with Rhiannon than with Chandler. And I cant put my finger on why. Shell put it down to my expectation of her as a 4yr old and the way I think she should behave, etc, whereas Chandler is still too young to handle most stuff. I think she is right.
Rhiannon can be a head strong little so-and-so half the time (something she has got from her mum and mostly from me), and sometimes I forget that she is only 4 due to the things she says and does. I need to work on this. Being harder on Chandler wont help - I need to change the way I deal with Rhiannon. She is growing up fast and its really scary.

Stayed home last night and did bugger all. Apart from Shell and I doing the Buffy Quizzes on the BBC website :)

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[link]   Posted @ 10:38

Watched "Record of The Year 2003" last night on ITV. Seriously, do the general public of this fair land have no musical taste what-so-ever? The top 3 ended up being Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One (which despite being a great record, is sung by a guy that looks like a piggy), Busted - Year 3000 (come on people, this is manufactured crap) and Westlife - Mandy (quite possibly the worst cover they have done). Westlife one it, by singing a song without the verve and gusto that was put into by Mr Barry Manilow. When he sang it, you actually felt something, but their version is justt bland, with no emotion. Utter pap! Anyway, that my "Disgruntled Music Journo" section over with for a while :)

Couple of interesting little things to check out. 12 STIs of Christmas. Important message with a cleveraly written tune.

Plus - check out this auction on eBay. I need one. Please purchase it for my Xmas present. Thankyou.

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[link]   Posted @ 09:04

Fantastic game found via one of the blogs I read (to your left). Check out this amazing game. It rocks!

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[link]   Posted @ 15:17

Chandler is 2 today. Check the gallery or here for pictures of him playing with his new wooden railway thing. He also got a book, a diggers DVD and a Bob The Builder video. The train set is most definately the most popular thing :) Chances are people will buy more stuff for it at Xmas.

Gotta visit Gemma this morning to drop off her birthday present from last week, and Rhiannon has a friends birthday party this afternoon. For tea, Chandler will have to decide where he wants to go - McDonalds or Pizza Hut is my guess!

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[link]   Posted @ 07:05