Male: Would you like to dance?
Female: I'd rather die.
Male: I think you misheard me. I said your bum looks fat in those jeans

Outstanding :)

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[link]   Posted @ 15:35

Ever thought about visiting Zurich? Well, check out here for an interesting insight into the kind of people you could meet if you went out clubbing. I'm trying to find something similar for Prague, as we are off there next year.

The entry for 03/12/03 over at my arse and other stories is fantastic. Shelly has just handed her notice in at one of her jobs, and I think she should also do this as her boss was a complete bitch.

A article at The New Scientist has got me worried about whether my umbrella can save me from such things. As umbrellas in the US carry disclaimers on them, will this need to be added?

I beat Ben 3-0 at snooker last night. Thats 5 frames on the trot now. Either he is distracted or I am getting better. I suspect it is the former rather than the latter. Then went to Cheers/Back Bar with Shelly for acoustic night, and was impressed at how good Ben (the tennis coach) is. Only seen him play a couple of time before, but he was on form last night.

Picking the kids up later on. Its Chandlers birthday tomorrow, and I still havent wrapped his presents :)

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[link]   Posted @ 11:44

Worlds Worst Invention No1 - The Testicles

Meeting at the designers office of the Human Being Design & Manufacturing Company

Design Manager: OK everyone, as we all know this is the crunch component, the key part of the whole system, responsible for ensuring the creation of future human beings and determining their gender, ensuring we don't end up with either male or female saturation. What have you got for me?

Senior Designer: Erm, slight problem boss. You see we've got a production version, and it worked fine in pilot, but we've discovered it will only work at 17 degrees below the operating temperature for the rest of the system.

Design Manager: OK, suggestions people - how do we get round the problem?

Senior Designer: We'll have to go back and start from scratch - try and work out which bit doesn't function at 37 degrees

Project Manager: Not an option people, we're already 12% over budget and the final build goes out next week. We need this sorting by the end of tomorrow.

Senior Designer: In that case we've got no choice but to just bolt them on the outside.

Design Manager: I assume we can get some solid casing round them?

Technical Support: No can-do mate, the infrastructure's complete - we left space for them inside the pelvis, similar to the position of the ovaries on the female version. There's no way we can risk putting any bone outside the external layer not without proper protection, and I know the muscular boys can't get any more material from their suppliers before we go live.

Design Manager: OK, we'll just have to live with it and hope they don't get hit.

3:00pm progress meeting

Senior Developer: That's an improvement, but it's a couple of degrees too cold now - it'll still work, it's just that performance won't be optimised and I think we'll get complaints from the customers over it's success rate.

Design Manager: What about putting some hair on it?

Senior Developer: Good thinking sir. That seems to have done the trick.

Boardroom - Build Launch meeting two days later

Managing Director: So what you're telling me, in short, is that the key component to future development of our product won't work inside the main product packaging? And despite it's delicate composition you've housed it in a completely unprotected and frankly ridiculous looking case devoid of the skeletal protection afforded all the other organs?

Design Manager: Yes Sir.

Managing Director: You're fired

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[link]   Posted @ 11:29

Watched the original Italian Job. What a great film. Then went to bed and watched Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I'd forgotten how funny it was and also how touching/sad the ending is. A truly great film, and in my top 20 I reckon.

My order from I Want One Of Those turned up yesterday. It wasnt all there and they have sent me another box with the rest of the order. Slight cockup - but excellent service. I'm still intrigued as to where the original delivery went.

I'm also waiting for a load of stuff from Amazon to turn up. I might start putting a little list in the sidebar that tracks what I have ordered recently and what has turned up (excluding pressies so that no-one knows what they are getting).

Spoke to Gemma last night as I was dropping the kids off. She did all of her Xmas shopping yesterday and wrapped it all. She and Ben are getting on well - which is good. I like Ben, he'll be good for her.

Almost late for work again this morning for 3 days on the trot. What am I like?

Going to Cheers/Back Bar this evening for some light entertainment and whatever, after Ben has thrashed me at snooker :)

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[link]   Posted @ 10:20

Didn't get to sleep until 4am this morning (various reasons) and was up and about for 8am. This has made me extremely tired. Currently popping Pro-Plus and listening to heavy metal at work - if that doesn't sort me out, nothing will.

Spoke to Bimbo about Chandlers birthday and we are not going to do anything this year. What with all the current goings on, we think it would be pointless. Roll on next year. I'm picking them up on Friday evening (as well as having them tonight) and have them over the weekend. Rhiannon has a party to attend on Saturday afternoon, so I get to spend some time with Chan playing with his presents :)

Tonight, we might be decorating the Xmas tree - although I might leave it until Sunday. Or is that still too early?

Courtesy of Yeah But Is It Art? comes this link to some great funny poems.

Also bash.org that I referenced a few days ago. Go and spend several hours laughing at IRC conversations. (Mr Bullock - if you are reading - you need to submit some of the IRC captures you have on gekki.net there. They would fit right in.)

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[link]   Posted @ 15:26

Was meant to go out with Tim last night, but he was doing stuff round his mums and didnt get my text. Oddly, after having a couple of good nights sleep on Saturday and Sunday (of over 8 hours), I couldnt sleep last night. God knows why.

So I watched a couple of films instead. I started off trying to watch Happiness of the Katakuris but its impossible to read subtitles sideways. So I watched House on Haunted Hill, an old B&W Vincent Price horror. After that had finished, I watched Last Man on Earth and fell asleep to that eventually.

Woke up before my alarm clock this morning and couldnt get back to sleep again. Damn!

Need to get some stuff sorted out for Chandlers birthday at the weekend. Last year he had fun, so I think her should have another party. Bimbo has agreed to host it - if I pay for it, so thats fine. I'll call her later and see about getting people invited.

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[link]   Posted @ 10:49

My gallery system is now online. Check it out here. I will also be adding a link to it on the menu bar, just for completeness.

As a fan of the various "what character/person are you" pages, I was tickled pink to discover that I am Rump Ranger according to The Prison Bitch Name Generator

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[link]   Posted @ 21:40

Went out into town last night with Tim and Shelly for a few drinks at the Cabot. She isn't a well girl - and is currently having some blood tests to find out what! Poor lass. Hope she is well soon. She's way too young to have anything serious wrong with her.

Anyway, got into work stupidly late today, due to not waking up until 9.05, when I received a phone call from someone that I was meant to be meeting at work at 9am. Fortunately, he was calling me to let me know that he wasnt coming in, due to illness! I called my boss, let him and know and then made my way into work. I blame the local power company, for obvious reasons.

Picture of the day from Yahoo! News!. My mate Neil is quite likely to pop his load because of this:

His 2 favourite people. And check out the hair! I still need to find a picture of Brian May and Anita Dobson together :)

And I found a link to this on a blog too - why I am putting up here I don't know, but here it is anyway. Official Website of The Cheeky Girls. Even I worry about me sometimes. I suggest that I have put it here to please my daughter. Maybe.

My local constabulary have put a webpage up with the a load of stupid 999 calls they have received here. Some classic stuff there, which unfortunately points out that people in this part of the country are quite spectacularly dim.

Finally arranged the collection of my DVDR/W today. I hope they send me a new one. Although I suspect that they will refund me and then I will have to find another cheap one :(

Reminder to self: SEND THOSE DAMN 40GB DRIVES BACK FOR REPAIR!

Oh. And finally for now - picture of kittens. I need to lie down again I think.

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[link]   Posted @ 14:10

Yesterday was really good. Wedding went well and there were quite a lot of people there. Rhiannon and Chandler looked superbly cute. Pictures will be posted when Andy has sorted out the gallery engine for me.

Ian and Shelle were there, as were Ben and Emma. As I havent got the kids on New Years Eve. I am thinking about organising something at my place. They are all up for it, so that should be cool. Hopefully Tracey can come as well.

Earlier, I opened up the PC that I collected yesterday to discover that the case had been smashed. I will be putting a picture up and emailing the company a link to it, so that they can see they need to replace it, although, just checked their website and they havent got any stock left!

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[link]   Posted @ 15:22

Yesterday, I did the Friday Five (I will start posting my entries here actually), but I digress. One of the questions was about having an allowance/pockey money when you were growing up. This got me thinking about yet another thing that was unfair in my household. My sister received pocket money until she was 17 - mine stopped at 15. Calculated at 2 years at �5 a week - my dad owed me �520 when I was 17. That was 15 years ago - now he owes me about �860 (based on 3% compound interest). How does that work? How come mine stopped. Had me really annoyed all over yesterday - this morning - meh!

Picked up Shelles car from my mate Paul and his Dad yesterday evening. An E reg Audio 80 1.8S. Stunning condition and drives like a dream. I turned up at Ian and Shelles and told them I didnt want them to have the car as I wanted it. Damn them :)

We had a heck of a laugh getting it started. It had been parked up for 8 weeks and it didnt want to start. We eventually had to bump start it, but it stalled after a while and wouldnt start again. So we towed/bumped it again and it stalled after a whiell when we put the lights on. So we did it again and then left it running outside on the drive for 1/2hr or so. Then it was fine. Me, Paul, Andy and Dave (Pauls dad) were killing ourselves laughing about it. Drove it back to Weston without a problem.

Been and collected a package from the Post Office this morning - The Happiness of the Katakuris by Takashi Miike on DVD. I love his films. Then up to Bristol to collect a PC and monitor to replace a friends PC. Then into town to get Rhiannon some wedding tights for her bridesmaid outfit this afternoon.

Picking up Bimbos car at 12:45, taking it for a car wash, then home to get changed and then back to Bimbos to drive the bridesmaids and page boys to the wedding.

I will post photos tonight, and hopefully get a gallery package installed as well to make my life easier.

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[link]   Posted @ 11:00