Some links and waffle for you.

News must be a pretty tough job, if the best stories you can write about are with regard to a bird pooping in Cyndi Laupers mouth.... Had it been some grim sex act (ie bird=female), then it would have been a whole different ballgame. Ick!

B3ta recently opened the floodgates when they asked about a subject close to every mans heart (and hand). Have you ever had a wanking disaster?

Finally, for today, a little something to keep you occupied - Design your own cereal box.

Don't ever say that I dont keep you entertained.

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[link]   Posted @ 15:09

If AOL built cars.....

1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.

2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.

3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.

4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.

5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.

6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.

7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots' of pretty colors and lights.

8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.

9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.

10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car from them.

11. The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.

12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.

13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.

14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.

15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.

16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.

17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?

18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.

19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.

20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.

21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye ."

I'm an apparently intelligent, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, pathetically simple-minded, dribbling child!
See how compatible you are with me!

Earlier today, I was given a tip on how to deal with my scourge of hayfever: Stick marshmallows up my nose. This then led into a discussion regarding slimming them down slightly by licking them, which would both aid insertion and provide adhesion. So I'm going to buy some Flumps later and see if it works. I can just imagine the looks I'll get on the train tomorrow morning :)

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[link]   Posted @ 11:32

Thoughts are with my mate Andy today, as his father has been laid to rest. It was a nice, quiet service at the South Bristol Cremetorium attended by Andy's family. Although I was shocked to find out his fathers name was actually Arthur and not Pat (and I wasnt the only one!!)

Andy - remember what I said. OK?

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[link]   Posted @ 15:40

This weekend, we managed to accomplish almost nothing - and once again, it was great. We went shopping on Saturday (got some small pressies I can send to the kids) and didnt go out on Saturday night - which is unusual. Unfortunately, I couldnt sleep on Saturday night (or last night come to that), and this morning - the reason become self-evident. Sunday was spent watching Angel, playing Dr Robotniks Mean Machine and Flicky (one of the unlockable games from the Sonic Collection on the GC) and lazing around in bed, interspersed with food,drink and the occasional sexual intervention :)

For the past couple of days, my eyes have been sore and itchy, but I put that down to lack of sleep - although the inability to sleep should have been another pointer. This morning, I dropped Shell of at work, parked the car and walked 3 minutes (maybe) to the train station. By the time I walked into the train station, I had snot and tears streaming down my face.

Oh yeah - the hay-fever is back.

So there I am, sat on the train, sans tissues, trying to surropticiously remove the snot before it runs down my face. The back of my hand and back of fingers played an important part in this.

God - the woman sat next to me probably had her flesh crawling at the sight and sound of this creepy guy, sniffing and snorting, wiping his eyes and wiping snot on the back of his hands for the whole train journey. Thats why I hate public transport. And now I have become the thing I hate!

I don't get it every year. Last year I had it quite bad, but today - crikey! It's 9.15ish and I already have a bad headache. I think I shall go and get some Clarityn or something. However, being in a filtered air-conditioned building has got all the snot slowing down and my eyes are now just itchy again as opposed to streaming.

You know me - I took another test :)

What Famous Leader Are You?

Thank to Roger for that one...

Oh and thanks to Stilgar for informing me about the incorrect date for the pub crawl. July the 8th, July the 8th. And please remember that I am going out in fancy dress, answering questions, finding pubs and drinking in them for charity. Last year, about �20000 was raised...

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[link]   Posted @ 09:40

Fortunately (for you), I am not going to sing :)

Shell had a bad day at work yesterday. Her NVQ assessor came for a post-NVQ visit, one of her care assistants got arrested for questioning and one of her clients passed away. So while I was playing snooker, she drowned her sorrows in several Archers and lemonades at our local. Good lass. Stressful days are always best dealt with by alcohol.

Speaking of alcohol, arrangements were being finalised today for the Charity Pub Crawl we do every year with Lloyds TSB Bank. We have our costumes planned (purchasing to occur next week), our names planned (this will make sense later on) and alterations to the clothing to be done by Pauls mum (yay Pauls Mum). Roll on July 16th!

I also managed to finish that darn script I was writing. The main issue was that any externally called programs didnt report back the outcome apart from error levels, so it meant piping output to a text file and then parsing it to get the results. After a couple of hours of it all making no sense to me, followed by 20 minutes in the smoking room, I returned and had it all working (in entirety) in about 30 minutes. All I need to do know is customise for the actual application, do some more testing, a little documentation and maybe a little tweaking for error/loop conditions. Quite pleased with myself really.

Gonna get a small gift for the kids and send it to them over the weekend, so that they dont totally forget who I am. Still waiting to hear from CAFCAS for a date...

This weekend should be relaxing. Shell isn't working, so we should get some quality time together and hopefully get some house stuff sorted out. Thats my aim anyway :)

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[link]   Posted @ 16:48

I took a quiz...


Last night we went to Shells mums for tea for a meal before Dave goes into hospital. He goes in today for an operation tomorrow to replace his right kneecap. This is his 48th operation. A couple of weeks ago he got himself a new tattoo - "D N R" on his chest, so that pretty much sums up how he feels about it. I hope it all goes OK.

This morning I was berated for yesterdays entry, with people claiming that if I insist on making such claims of love to my beloved in a public place, don't. This is becuase their partner will then expect something similar and then all hell will break loose. I say bring it on. Tell em you love em! Live with the consequences and die with a smile on your face :)

Seasons 6 and 7 of Buffy turned up last week, but I simply cant get into them. Since I started watching Angel, the whole Buffy thing seems rubbish. I mean, a lot of people have thought that for a long time, and I was never a fan, but then I suddenly got it. I've watched Seasons 1-5 and then watched Angel 1-4. And it is soooo much better. I need my Angel Season 5 fix now.

I am currently teaching myself a new scripting language called Kix or Kixtart. It was originally designed for logon script processing under Windows NT but it has advanced quite a lot and it is used quite extensively at the site I work at. Essentially, I have to come up with something that will stop a service on 2 servers, check they are stopped, mirror some files between the 2 servers, restart the stopped services and then check to make sure all is OK, followed by sending a completion email to someone. Phew! I have it planned, and have some of the routines worked out already. I am now going through a testing phase on some of the routines to make sure it works the way I'm expecting. Anyway, enough warbling...

Here are a few more Windows Haikus I found while surfing. Enjoy :)

Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.

Wind catches lily
Scatt'ring petals to the wind
Segmentation Fault

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy.

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[link]   Posted @ 15:02

Good: Oh man! Check out this video. Anyone remember that advert? I couldn't stand Kiaora myself (I was always an Umbongo fan) but the advert was great. Which gets me thinking if anyone has the Trio advert with the little yelling girl. That was cool too...

Bad: Shell has been ill for the past couple of days, but today is a pretty special day.

Good: We have been together 6 months. When it started, I had no idea what kind of relationship it was going to be, how long it would last or anything - I just hoped I wouldnt scare her off. And it would appear I havent :) Happy 6 month Anniversary babes!


Bad: By the end of June, I want to have sorted out a new place to live, in order to move in for the end of July. The place where I am now is too big and too expensive to keep (rent went up last month) and without anyone else to share the place, I just cant afford it.

Good: So I'm gonna start looking for somewhere slightly smaller, somewhere that maybe Shell will want to move in with me (and help share the costs) and is also cheaper! This also means I have to get rid of a yet more of my stuff. Another big tip trip could be coming up I think, along with a car boot in a couple of weeks. May as well get some money for some of the rubbish!

Bad: Next Tuesday will be sad, as I am attending the funeral of the father of my mate Andy. His mother passed away at Christmas and his dad last Friday. I know he reads here sometimes and I just want to say that I feel for you dude! I'll see you next Tuesday (I wish the circumstances were better) and remember, if there is anything I can do, just ask away :(

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[link]   Posted @ 12:22

Saturday night, Mendip Road weren't playing. They had cancelled and were replaced by Breezer. They were damn good. No review though, as we didnt stay til the end of the gig.

On Sunday/Monday I managed to get my mail system sorted out. I now have a machine that collects my POP3 mail from various servers, checks it for SPAM and virii and then allows me to collect it when I'm at home or via webmail. Why I didnt do this years ago - I don't know! It all works (need some work on the AV scanning though) and its a damn sight quicker too.

And a quick note to the spammers out there on the InterNerd...

If you are sending me spam, and want it to pass my spam checking engine and make me want to read it, don't address your email from Elvis. I know he is dead, and even if he was alive, I very much doubt he would send me an email. Its suspicious and I see through it every time.

Last night, I got a little upset about the kids and Shell, inadvertently, managed to make me laugh until I was almost sick. Asda have started selling "Mint Choc Chip Sticks" (lollipops) and its a great tongue twister. After several minutes of "Mint Chop Chick Stinks" and other permutations (even when she triumphantly said it completely wrong in the belief she had it right), it had to stop. By the time we finished, I had a bad stomach ache and was crying!

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[link]   Posted @ 11:03

So I was off work today - due to a knackered hand. Yesterday morning, I assisted someone in carrying a 19" computer rack (22U high and full depth), which was loaded with kit, up 5 stairs. Oddly enough, it is not designed for carrying and therefore does not have handles. Due to not being designed for carrying, it also has sharp edges where one would pick it up...

I managed to get blood blisters on 2 fingers of my left hand and my right hand is in a bloody state. My little finger was mis-shapen where I appeared to have mushed up its innards and squeezed it sideways. Plus I had "massive" blood blisters on 3 fingers (the one
on my ring finger was about the size of a 20p piece). And all the fingers on my right hand were swollen, and its all very painful.

I think I have learnt my lesson about:

1/ Dont carry things up stairs that arent designed to be carried
2/ Dont carry things using 2 people when 4 people are required due to its weight
3/ Just dont carry big heavy things that dont have handles

My hand was still sore today and has made mouse work and typing quite painful (a la - not being in the office today as all my work is mouse/keyboard related). But with some care (including TCP and cold salt water) everything seems to be back to fairly normal behaviour. Still hurts to bend my fingers though, which might make drinking difficult on Saturday night.

Tomorrow night we are off to see a local group called Mendip Road. Shell has raved about them several times but this will be my first experience of them. They are a covers band and Shell used to stalk^H^H^H^H^Hfancy Steve the singer :)

Sunday will provide a brief review of the gig.

Yesterday (before picking Shell up from work), I watched Sex Lives Of The Potato Men. Oh man! It was crap but bloody hilarious. If you can get it - watch it!

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[link]   Posted @ 00:01

When I got home last night, I had several letters and a parcel waiting for me. 2 bank statements, a letter from my solicitor telling me about what the outcome of last Thursdays court appearance meant and a letter from CAFCASS telling me an advisor had been assigned and would be contacting me soon to arrange a meeting! Thats pretty damn fast (so far).

The parcel was my DVD-Rs from SVP. Yesterday I noticed that I paid �9.99 per 25 but they had now been reduced to �7.99 per 25. I'll be sending them an email today asking for some money back, as they have a price promise on their sales.

Shell cooked last night - chicken pie, sweetcorn and cheesy jacket potatoes covered in gravy! It was truly awesome. I've said it before and I'll probably say it again - I dont know why she thinks she cant cook - cos she can.

Had notification from Amazon that my R2 Buffy Season 6 and 7 have been posted, so they should be with me for the weekend with a bit of luck. That will mean I have the complete collection - and I didnt pay full price for any of them. That pleases me greatly :)

men in hats hasnt been updated for a few days, as the author doesn't currently have a computer! Get it sorted quickly, its a great comic. Real Life has been spot on recently, and today especially so. That one and the socks one is scarily like me.

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[link]   Posted @ 09:32