11 pages of vitriolic diatribe did not make for good reading yesterday. I honestly think my ex- needs psychiatric help, but I don't care about that anymore. I only care about my kids and how they are.

I almost gave that up too yesterday. After reading the pages and pages of nonsense at my solicitors, I thought to myself "Why am I bothering? She's mad! What are the kids going through?". I actually considered telling my solicitor to forget about the whole thing and walk away from everything - completely.

But I can't and I won't. I love my kids with a passion. They are my offspring and I would die or donate organs for them at the drop of a hat. All I want to do is live peaceably and spend a reasonable amount of quality time with them. But certain people seem hell bent on not letting this happen. It is sad. So so sad.

I spent most of last night awake, trying to come to terms with the accusations and lies she has laid against me. Huge chunks of history completely forgotten, filled with hate and touches of madness. I have to respond to everything she has stated and I really dont want to read it through time and time again.

I know she will probably read this and think "Great! I've got to him and he hates it." Yeah I do - I hate it. But just think what you are doing to the kids. You say you love them, but you blatently dont - at least, not in a sane, loving manner. You use them to hurt people. They are individuals, little people in their own right, not playthings or weapons and shouldn't be used in such ways. You are meant to be a loving parent - look it it up in the dictionary. Nurturing? I don't think so.

Shell managed to calm me last night and eventually persuaded me to get to sleep (although I slept fitfully through the night).

So I'm going to soldier on. Those 2 kids of mine are great, and I dont want to miss out on a day if I can. I'm not angry - I'm sad. Sad and disappointed in certain people. But as they say "The truth will out" (whatever the hell that means), so I know things will be OK in the end. When the end is though, thats another matter...

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[link]   Posted @ 12:17